you don't know my name.

To Whom It May Concern,

sorry, sir? i think you're mistaken. my name isn't sis. or ma. nope, not miss. definitely not baby. it's not purple shirt, black pants, stilettos. not short hair or brown skin. beautiful, gorgeous, sexy: those could be nice, but- not mine.

how are you supposed to catch my attention, then? good question. you might wanna wikipedia that.

nah, really though, dudes of the world.

i know you feel like those are the only words/phrases available to you, but i really think you can do better. you have to. or you're doomed to a life of retreating shadows and dirty looks.

so how do you get me (take "me" as universal for women) to stop. and then listen. with a little etc., when you don't know my name, and i'm not telling? it has to be something different.

I remember freshman year, i was 2 minutes away from my dorm. and on my street there were construction workers. as a freshman, all cautious and the like, i generally crossed the street to avoid those dudes, because a catcall is inevitable. like, i feel it's scheduled into their day. 12:30-lunch. 12:32-scope out. 12:37-leer and catcall. but i'm just guessing.

anyways, i stayed the path, looking straight ahead, trying to mean mug (side note: i feel like my mean mug is broken sometimes. people always asking me for directions). And this dude, Jamel (number's still in my phone) tried to holler. i ignored him quite strongly at first, but then he said "i love you," and i had to laugh. and stop. it was too cute then.

but even so, that's been used already, so you have to come harder. be interested without seeming lewd. be charming without being phony. don't grab me or impede my path (unless you're t.i., t.j. holmes, osi, and some other dudes with special privileges). but how. how?

maybe introduce yourself first, instead of making me feel that i'm the 10th girl in a long line of girls that you've hit on today. i know you're mindless when you drop a line like this: "hey ma. you looking real good right now. you probably get this all the time, but i'm really feelin you. so why don't you give me your number so we can discuss?"

no. you gets no number, no name, not even a slightly irritated smile with that. i'm just walking away. and you ask for my number before my name. does that make sense?

you could be persistent, aka bug the hell out of me, until i break down and acknowledge that we are both breathing the same air and let you get 8.7 seconds of my time. i don't care how determined a girl is to betray no emotion to a dude that's trying to scoop. keep going at her, and soon enough you'll see the almost imperceptible pull at the corners of her mouth, signaling a laugh, a smile, a word.

however, i don't advocate that approach. annoying is annoying no matter the intention and some women won't take it. believe me, i know ladies that hit.

approach. finesse. practice in the mirror, and i'll practice my response. be nervous. shy. personable. let me know you have something to lose. don't be a robot programmed to get the number and snatch the panties. you matter and i matter. act like it.

you'll probably get rejected a lot. no avoiding that.

and by the way, my name is...