communication overload

ok, so it's happening again. my thoughts phrase themselves as tweets, and facebook statuses and texts messages. and i can's stop it. for example, i'll subconsciously limit the length of my thoughts to a convenient length of say, 140 characters? crazy, i know. or i'll have a thought, but it's like oh, this is what i'm going to text so and so. basically, i don't even control my own mind.

ok, exaggeration, obvi, but it's very real what social media can do. and coupled with my ridiculous dreams as of late, i just have to wonder what i'm trying to tell myself.

"it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"

that's one of my favorite lines all time from the Harry Potter series (i am not a lame, i promise, get on it). it's Dumbledore telling Harry not to get too caught up in the Mirror of Erised, but this explanation is turning into a digression, so allow me to focus.

i usually have very vivid dreams, but lately more so, since i guess my life is kind of out of wack. now, they feature people i see rarely, left behind, and wish i could see more. or they're just freaky weird.

like, i dreamed there was a wildcat (a la talledega nights) in my house. and we thought we could take it out by hitting it on the head. that didn't work, so we called the police. and i remember so clearly the police coming, one gunshot. two gunshots. and it was dead, blood splatters and all. so i might stay away from the zoo for a while.

then i dreamed that i was on a road trip with some friends, and for some reason we stopped at an amalgamated insurance building (random, really). and a couple of my friends went in to set up a meeting, came and got us. so these business people allowed us to show them our resumes since, obviously post-grad, we're job searching (relevant, at the least). i didn't have one, so i even had to go on careernet to pull it up. i seem to be very productive.

etc, etc, it goes on, but what's the point. i love my dreams, like my sleep dreams. alternate realities and all that, i don't know what they mean, but here's to the beginning of documentation. word up though, to Dumbledore. live live.

the graduate[d].

i've finally graduated college and now, i think i'm the most conflicted i've ever been. no one ever tells you (actually they do, but you just ignore) that graduation is really life-changing. like really. one day i'm in yankee stadium listening to Sec. Hillary speak, and the next day i'm in Ohio, rolling my eyes as my mother tells me to clean my room.

graduation is like twilight zone. you feel so grown up and on the verge, but also totally clueless. maybe if i had gotten my shit together earlier i would be less frazzled and anxious, and admittedly bitter, but i didn't, and so here i am. what to do. what to do?

i want to work and make money, of course. money creates, and that's Bible (borrowed guiltlessly from the Kardashians). i need to be in New York. i need certain people. i love my family and this city to death, but this is not for me right now. William, we've got to get out of here! really.

i think of graduation, and i'm infinitely proud. i mean, i did it. even with the bullshitting and questionable decisions, i've got that college degree to keep me warm now. 22 and college-graduated is so real.

and i'm grateful as i look back because senior year was so real. being on that elite shit was a good look. from dancing in the auction, to a crazy bananas March, a crazier April (wow) and May. eternally grateful for the beautiful people i know and the city as the perfect backdrop. i couldn't make it up. it was the last year, but i had my share of breakthrough moments, hand me the award.

so to end this slightly pointless, but most cathartic rant, i still have no idea of what's next. i'm looking and searching, being open-minded, but hoping for the ideal. trying to get inspired to be next-level, trying not to waste my blessings, trying to make sure my life is the one i want. remember, i just gotta make it.

09, swag out.